I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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