TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
