he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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