I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
