I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can I color on your dick again?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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