I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
