So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
