I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
