i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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