We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize