I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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