My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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