Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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