my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
as a side note pls kill me
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