i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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