Your face is a jimmy john
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
