I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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