And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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