I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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