in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
