I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
