You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am available for nakedness
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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