It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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