Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
