This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
