I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
