...so i touched it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
