so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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