My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
