Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
