Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
