butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
