i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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