i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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