I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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