I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
