what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
