Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
