I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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