FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I deserve this hangover.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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