see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
