the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
