we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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