she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
