So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize