My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why can't burritos get me drunk
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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