She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just had sex on a roof
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
