Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
