I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
