You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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