girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
