So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
