I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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