Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
