i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
