Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
