neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
