he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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