Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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