I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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