i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
