I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
