my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
