did you get engaged???
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
