so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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