i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Randomize
