I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
