just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
