She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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