im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
