I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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