just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
