So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
